Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
