i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
