i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Blood and glitter go together right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
