If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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