Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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