chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
