I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
