dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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