Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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