two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
