he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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