Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
