so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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