i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
