hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
