I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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