hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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