two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
