tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
