3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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