mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
