We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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