Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there is glitter all over my balls
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