dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
