He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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