hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
