My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
