Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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