You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
