I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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