dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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