I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
