i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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