So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
