On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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