Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
