She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
