She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
