You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
