do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
