i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
