SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
