How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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