So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
