he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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