Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
