I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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