Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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