I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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