Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
