So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
